Struggles and Strivings

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
-- Anne Shirley

Do you ever have days when you just don't like yourself?

Or weeks...or months...?

That has been my honest struggle as of late. I recount later how I shouldn't have said that remark, or I should have had better communication, how I was truly in the wrong in a situation, or any number of other things. I lay awake at night and think through them and wonder if I should just give up.

I know my faults; I'm keenly aware of them. But just in case they were to slip my mind for a moment, Satan is always there with a frying pan to smack me upside the head with a painful reminder.

Baby Isaac! Born Dec 8!

Do you ever have days when you just don't like this world?

Or weeks...or months...?

The honest truth is this: this world is corrupt. I see it in Uganda more than I do elsewhere, but it's all around. It is seen in every aspect here. The doctors who work at government hospitals will treat you for a bribe but if you question them on anything, any kindness or civility goes out the window. Government officials won't move papers alone without a nice bribe unless you know someone higher than them who can get the ball moving. Bribes and "under the table" are a part of every day life for most. When you don't want to play the system, you get burned. Along with anyone that you're connected to.

This week has had many tears.

Some days I exhale and thank God that the day is done and never has to happen again. Some days I pray that tomorrow will be different.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Sometimes, I hate Uganda. Sometimes I want to give up; the battle is too big and I'm tired of fighting. But all the time, I love my friends here. I think of them by name each night as a reminder of why I continue in this struggle daily: Irene, Chio, Abrah, Naduk, Rebekah, Jennifer, Mary... the list goes on. I love these women; I want them to see Jesus. But the battles are hard and sometimes it's worse to even begin the war. If I complain to a doctor about something or ask a question, he very well might torture my friend. They get punished for any ill feelings towards me.

When you start to care about people, their hurts become your hurts. It's not business here, it's personal.

My friend Rachel from Masese along with Kasfa

My friend's do not have voices here. It's believed that women are to be used, in every aspect of that word. They have no rights to stand up for themselves whether it be in the hospital with a corrupt doctor or with a man demanding the use of her body.

My heart breaks for these women.

I know that God sees and He knows. I know that God loves these women more than I do. I know there's nothing that I can do to charge this culture...but I can start. It takes more than one person to change traditions and society, but it takes one to start.

Kasfa, ran away from home, sad story, please pray!

Would you pray?

• God would give me wisdom where to fight in a godly manner and where to walk away
• God would give my friends freedom from their bondage the culture places on them
• God would teach me to be humble in a foreign land in regards to right and wrong
• God would give me and my friends a biblical worldview instead of America/Ugandan
• God would give me patience and love for these people, even the ones I don't like!