Honest Moments

Can I be honest with you?

I miss looking nice. I miss my bangs and straight hair, skinny jeans, scarves, and boots. I miss make-up.

I don't tell you this so that you compliment how pretty I look even with messy hair and dirt, because I'm not fishing for compliments. I tell you this so you know that I'm real. I struggle with things here too. However shallow or vain they be, somedays the pull of whatever it is that I had to give up to come here is strong enough to make me question staying here.

A very American Kate that the world won't see for a while!

I miss Caribou coffee and Widman's chocolate and cheese!

Sure, it may sound silly, but I miss those things.

Most days it's fine. I'm surrounded by a beautiful land (have I forgotten I live on the Nile?) with beautiful people (even though they're covered in dirt and the babies don't even have diapers). I serve a beautiful God who shows His power to me each day by raising the sun in the morning and having it set in the night, who has new mercies for me each day.

Can I be honest with you?

Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything of value here. Sure, we have stories about baby Miracle that are truly miracles, but what about the other days when I just sit with Jennifer and talk about the fruit in America? What about the times when I hold Rashan and sit next to her mom Rehema in silence because we can't converse past the greetings in the other's language. What about the days when our ministry is "small" and the fruit is little?

Our ministry here is based on building relationships, and those are messy and long and hard. Sometimes I want a big ministry that I can come back to America and show my amazing slideshow with all the incredible stories that you expect to hear from me. But what if I come back and I tell you that I was friends with Sarah, that I sat with Mwamini, that I listened to Anet, that I cried with Fazira? What then?

 Can I be honest with you?

I love it here. I love the people, the weather, the land. I love serving in the same town as Nate and Rhoda Jore. They are the most humble, beautiful people I have ever met. Today was Nate's birthday and it really hit me how blessed I am to know such a man as him. I want to soak in every moment with them, every word from their mouth. I wish all of you could know them as well! I love serving the same God as them.

Tomali and I -- his mom wanted me to capture our different colors.

It is that God that gives me the strength to love these people and forget about the fact that I miss my closet and nice hair. These may seem like silly things to you, but they are real things that I have to learn to surrender. Yesterday we talked about the cost of missions and wrote some of them down; it felt so good to be honest with God about the things that I do miss. There is freedom in honesty though. There is joy in surrender.  There is grace and peace and hope.

As I learn to be honest with God, people, and myself, I pray that God would be glorified in my weaknesses. I hope that being vulnerable tonight has helped paint a picture of how much of a mess I am over here, but how great my God is!

I haven't said it in a while, but thank you for praying for us.

Kate and Court