hope for the future, joy for the moment

When it has seemed as though each step as of late has been painful (quite literally -- I broke my toe!), I'm thankful to proclaim that God has restored hope and excitement in my heart!

I have been struggling in so many ways over the last few months. Struggling to see where God is moving here and where He wants me, struggling in relationships, struggling in communication, and struggling for my own desires which were clearly not the Lord's.

Lounge chairs -- and you thought you knew hipster! 

Things have been stripped and distractions removed, which has allowed me to seek Him with undivided attention. When my future plans that I cling to are threatened, I start to question what God is doing. I thought I had the next two years of my life planned out thoroughly, and I don't. Life here is completely unpredictable, and I'm starting to see that God does have good in store even when it's not how I've envisioned life and ministry.

I'm here to say that I have no idea where He's going and how He's working. But I'm thankful to trust my future to the One who does know. I'm excited to learn more of what it means to trust Him in faith.

My kindergarden class -- love them!!

With Christmas around the corner, things are taking a break for a few weeks. I have finished my first term as a kindergarden teacher for five adorable children! Such a blessing to do something that I'm so passionate about in the land that I love. I am looking forward to make lefse and grut for all of my non-Norwegian friends and sing Christmas carols by candlelight. I'm humbled by the fact that I do need a break and grateful that God has provided me with a time to rest.

I will be meeting with a few women in the community of Masese within the next few weeks as we look forward to starting the Ambassador Institute class there in January. There has been talk of things drastically changing there in the next year, which has caused anxiety and panic in many of my friends as well as myself. However, we're moving forward, trusting that God knows what will happen and relying on the Holy Spirit to work even if our perfect little plans are disturbed.

My sweet, sweet friend

I know I am being rather vague, and I do apologize. There are things I wish I could say or ways I wish to express myself, but I would just ask you to pray.

• Pray that God would use this season to bring much needed rest, peace, joy, and hope for where He has me now and what He's doing in the future. 
• Pray that those of us within Masese would be attentive to where the Spirit is moving and how to bring Him honor and glory in our words and actions there.
• Pray that we would be a people of prayer. I recognize a tendency in myself to move ahead without seeking the Lord, and I want to be still before Him.
• However, pray that we would also act in faith where He has not given perfect clarity. We want to be patient and actively waiting on Him, but we also want the faith to move when He says go. 

Thank you so much to those of you who do pray. In this tough season of life and ministry here, I know that I have been covered in prayer, and it is felt and known. I'm so honored that you would choose to be a part of this ministry through prayer. I'm also thankful to be a part of a community here who truly struggles together. The family of faith that we have in Jinja is such a beautiful picture of the Church. It is much more beautiful to suffer through hardship with friends than enjoy a season of tranquility by yourself. 

For those of you who are also going through a difficult season, I encourage you to read Romans 8. All of it. I've been resting there lately. 

This view never gets old

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." -- Psalm 91:1-2

Praying that you would join me in whatever season you may be going through in resting in Him. My prayer has been not that I would cling to the cross, because I haven't felt as though I've had the strength. My prayer for myself as well as you who are struggling would be that Jesus would keep me there by His grace.  

His Strength for Obedience

My boda home today was a wet one!

As I rode home on my boda today in the rain, I thought of the song "This is My Word" and the words that come out of Isaiah 55. I thought of the crops that needed the rain. I thought of the people who need the crops for food. I thanked God for His faithfulness even in providing rain for the food that will feed this land.

I thought of the promise that His Word does not go forth and return void. I clung to that promise. I remembered that His Word is living and active. I remembered that He alone can save.

The view off of my balcony of the sunset

As I look around, I see injustice and hardened hearts. My heart breaks. However, when I look into the Old Testament, I see that real men and women were faced with the same things. God called them to preach repentance to His people, and they obeyed.

The strange thing is, there were those who were promised that they would not see the fruit that came from their obedience. Isaiah asked in chapter 6 how long he would have to call the men and women to repentance, and God said, "until cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without people, and the land is a desolate waste." So basically, he wouldn't see any repentance at all. Then there's Jeremiah and Amos and so many others. Men who sought the Lord and His glory and were obedient, but who did not come home with a outstanding missionary report. They were obedient, even when promised that the outcome would not be what they desired. 

I've thought of that lately as hearts are hard and even the thought of preaching the law as it's necessary seems futile. I've thought of how depressing that would have been for Isaiah and Jeremiah. They were real men, after all. I wonder if they ever questioned God's plan. Maybe a "Really God? Can't we renegotiate Your plan here? Do I really have to keep going to these hardened people?" I'm sure they genuinely cared about these people -- you see that as they plead for mercy that God would spare them His wrath -- but there had to be days of discouragement. However, they were obedient. 

One of my best friend's daughter

These men and women would have crumbled in their own strength. They would have hit a wall, broke down, and gone back to "America". However, they did not serve out of obedience that flowed from their own strength. Nehemiah said, "the joy of the Lord is your strength". Those words have never meant so much to me. Joy -- unlike happiness -- cannot be taken away and is not circumstantial. They were obedient because of the joy set before them, just as Jesus did as stated in Hebrews 12:2.

I have seen fruit of the Gospel in Masese. I have friends who -- praise the LORD! -- have been called into His righteousness. I have seen His light in that dark community. But honestly, so many days of the last few months have been lined with discouragement. I doubt that repentance will be found, so I don't bother to speak at all. I deny the power of His Word by keeping silent. I crumble as I rely in my own strength.

I have not been into the community for some time now as we've been dealing with some hard issues. Without going into detail, it has become unsafe for myself as well as those who I visit to be there at the moment. Would you pray that God would grant wisdom to see His timing in this? We don't want to cause those whom we love grief in their community by our visits, but we also do not wish to be lead by fear and allow Satan to drive us out.

With the help of Rhoda, my first turkey!

In this time of confusion, discouragement, and a lack of direction as to where to go from here, I've been quiet. Other missionaries in the community who are a part of the church body here have also been still. We feel the need for prayer more than ever right now, and have committed to praying together twice a week. There are times when I feel like I should be there, I should be doing something. But how sweet it is to labor for this community in prayer! We've stood in awe of God together, we've confessed our sins and personal agendas before Him, and we've prayed for hearts to be softened. We pray that men and women would be raised within Masese to reach their own tribes. We pray that Satan would lose his stronghold in this dark community and God would send His angels to protect and wage war against the evil forces at work. We pray for those whom we love and for those who very much do not like us at the moment. We pray for wisdom and patience and hearts that would love as He loves.

So today, I don't have great stories to share. I don't have have much except to point to God's grace in the midst of this. We see His hand over us and His goodness in allowing us to see truth that has been denied to bring about so much injustice. We see His desire for us to spend time with Him and serve Masese in a real, tangible way through prayer. While this may seem like a rough season with more questions than answers, I'm thankful.

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears." -- Psalm 34:4

May we serve Him in the spirit of love, as He has not given us a spirit of fear. May we serve in His strength and the joy of our salvation! Tonight I'm thankful that His joy is my strength.