The Fight Inside of Me

Today I'm struggling.

I just got word from my friend Irene that one of my friend's baby just died. He died of malnutrition. It breaks my heart to think that my friend -- abused by men, rejected by her family, and alone -- now lost her only child. It breaks my heart to think that I could have helped.

As I was reading the Psalms today I came across 72:12-14 "For He delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper. He has pity on the weak and the needy. From oppression and violence He redeems their life, and precious is their blood in His sight."

I'm struggling to understand.

Why didn't He save him? Why didn't He deliver this mother and child who were very much in need with no helper.

Then there's this: "precious is their blood in His sight." What if my friend didn't know Jesus? What then? Is the blo
od still precious? Does He still care? Does He care that I'm hurting, or my friend who is hurting more than I can imagine?

Suddenly, in the midst of the hurt and confusion, He knows. He used to remind me daily that He knows, and He cares. I don't understand, and somehow that's okay. It's okay to hurt and be angry at the way that life unfolds because there is sin and evil in this world. But God knows.

I recently got lasik eye surgery and I can't tell you what a difference it's made in my life. I don't need glasses or contacts to aid my vision. I can see.

My biggest desire for my dear friends in Masese is that they would know the Lord personally as their own Savior. I want them to be able to see without any aid. I want them to hunger and thirst for righteousness. I want them to be filled with the same Holy Spirit that fills me. I want them to see.

I can't do that for them. That's His job. He alone is the One who gives the gift of faith. I still struggle with that. I want to go back and physically save this sweet baby boy who is now buried in the ground, and I spiritually still want to save my friends. That is a daily struggle for me that shows a lack of trust in the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness. It's vulnerable for me to admit, but there's freedom in honesty.

My home

I have now been in America for two and a half months, which means it's another two and a half months until I return to my other home. Would you please pray?

• People would know the Lord in Masese -- especially Chio.
• God would comfort those hurting in the death of this sweet babe
• God would be glorified in His children -- that He would give me faith to trust.