significantly insignificant

I have never felt so small, so insignificant. 

"Indescribable" by Louie Giglio showed me pictures of creation in the heavens -- the stars and galaxies that were created by the powerful Word of a ferocious God. 

I stood at the bottom of a waterfall that stretched 100 meters down and sprayed me with cold mist. 

It's crazy to think that a God who can create stars and planets and fire and waterfalls could think of me.

I found these words written in my journal from January after I had been to Sipi Falls. Oh, how I wish I was constantly aware of how insignificant I really am, just to magnify the glorious grace of God in my life. He thinks of me. He knows me. "His desire is for me" and He bids me to come away with Him (Song of Songs).

The past few weeks have been difficult as I look forward to going back to America shortly. I know I'll be coming back, but it's hard when I feel so responsible for everything I'm doing here. My friend Sarah asked this week, "Nalem, are you going to forget me when you're in America?" This broke my heart. I wanted to scream, "I'm not leaving!", cancel my plane ticket, and apologize to my sister and best friend for missing their weddings.

Deep down, I know there's a larger issue at heart.

Sarah, Mary, Irene, Esther, and Angela -- my sisters in Christ

I know I didn't save them; God did. However, I feel responsible for their faith. I do not trust the churches that they're attending so I worry that if I'm not pouring truth from Scripture into their hearts, they won't grow. I think they'll return to their old lives and forget about Him, or they'll buy into all the heresies that are rampant here. Somehow, even though I know He saved them, I don't trust Him to keep them.

I don't trust God to be faithful.

Have I learned nothing in my time here? Have I doubted Him all along? When did I pretend to be Him?

Because the truth is, my friends are also insignificant. By the world's standards, they are uneducated, untalented, and poor. They're also human, finite. But the God that spoke the universe into existence also created them. God finds them of incredible importance -- not because of anything they've done or will do, but because He created them and bought them back with the blood of His Son. Ransomed, redeemed, restored. Oh, words that I love!

I know that I will not forget my friends in Masese. They have changed me -- not just in the way that I dress and speak, but also my heart -- and I have grown much because of them. I have known more of Him because of them. But more importantly, I know that He will not forget them. He thinks of them. He knows them. His desire is for them and He bids them to come away with Him. He loves them more than I do.

Would you please pray?

• That God would teach me to trust Him -- in everything.
• That God would continue to work in Masese and allow me to be a part of it as He wills
• That the transition of my translator and friend taking over the Bible studies would go smoothly and that He would equip her Himself