significantly insignificant

I have never felt so small, so insignificant. 

"Indescribable" by Louie Giglio showed me pictures of creation in the heavens -- the stars and galaxies that were created by the powerful Word of a ferocious God. 

I stood at the bottom of a waterfall that stretched 100 meters down and sprayed me with cold mist. 

It's crazy to think that a God who can create stars and planets and fire and waterfalls could think of me.

I found these words written in my journal from January after I had been to Sipi Falls. Oh, how I wish I was constantly aware of how insignificant I really am, just to magnify the glorious grace of God in my life. He thinks of me. He knows me. "His desire is for me" and He bids me to come away with Him (Song of Songs).

The past few weeks have been difficult as I look forward to going back to America shortly. I know I'll be coming back, but it's hard when I feel so responsible for everything I'm doing here. My friend Sarah asked this week, "Nalem, are you going to forget me when you're in America?" This broke my heart. I wanted to scream, "I'm not leaving!", cancel my plane ticket, and apologize to my sister and best friend for missing their weddings.

Deep down, I know there's a larger issue at heart.

Sarah, Mary, Irene, Esther, and Angela -- my sisters in Christ

I know I didn't save them; God did. However, I feel responsible for their faith. I do not trust the churches that they're attending so I worry that if I'm not pouring truth from Scripture into their hearts, they won't grow. I think they'll return to their old lives and forget about Him, or they'll buy into all the heresies that are rampant here. Somehow, even though I know He saved them, I don't trust Him to keep them.

I don't trust God to be faithful.

Have I learned nothing in my time here? Have I doubted Him all along? When did I pretend to be Him?

Because the truth is, my friends are also insignificant. By the world's standards, they are uneducated, untalented, and poor. They're also human, finite. But the God that spoke the universe into existence also created them. God finds them of incredible importance -- not because of anything they've done or will do, but because He created them and bought them back with the blood of His Son. Ransomed, redeemed, restored. Oh, words that I love!

I know that I will not forget my friends in Masese. They have changed me -- not just in the way that I dress and speak, but also my heart -- and I have grown much because of them. I have known more of Him because of them. But more importantly, I know that He will not forget them. He thinks of them. He knows them. His desire is for them and He bids them to come away with Him. He loves them more than I do.

Would you please pray?

• That God would teach me to trust Him -- in everything.
• That God would continue to work in Masese and allow me to be a part of it as He wills
• That the transition of my translator and friend taking over the Bible studies would go smoothly and that He would equip her Himself

This Present Darkness

We both drip with sweat as we sit inside her little room on a hot day with no breeze and we pray. We pray in English and in Karamojong, and we pray hard. We pray against those who curse us, because they are now many. We know that we have enemies in Masese now, and we know we have made the evil one upset. We know we are fighting, and joyfully we know we have the victory in Christ! We know that if God is for us, who can be against us? Our fear is lessened as we continue in prayer.

This is the reality of things here. We're frightened because we know we're dealing with the spiritual realm and warfare that we cannot see, but we rejoice because we can stand together and know that if he is unhappy, that means the Kingdom is advancing. And oh, friends! The Kingdom is advancing in Masese! My friends and I are so excited for what He's doing there -- things seen and unseen.

A spirit of fear has gripped my heart this week as we battle against the rules, authorities, cosmic powers over this present darkness, and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). But oh, praise Him, we're able to take up the armor of God!

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance..." (Eph 6:13-18). 

I hesitate to say these things, because I've always secretly doubted those that claim to battle in spiritual warfare. In a prayer asking God to reveal more of Himself to me, He has answered by letting me see more of the spiritual realm -- a prayer that I quickly retracted in fear! But I have seen Him in this: His goodness and grace, His angels that fight for me, and His peace that transcends all understanding. I know He is here, and I know this is His battle that He has already won. I can stand secure in that assurance.

Would you pray?

• That the evil one would have no power through fear in my life or the lives of my friends in Masese
• That we would stand in the armor of God daily, ready for battle at all times
• That God would give us boldness to continue the work that He has called us to (Acts 4:23-31)
• That Masese would see the Lord

Disciplined in Grace

"That's not fair!" -- Oh boy do I remember saying these words when I was younger. And my dad, much like Alan Matthews in Boy Meets World, would always have the same response:

"Life is not fair." 

Sophia was born March 6th!!

I struggled with this a lot as a kid, whether it was wanting to go to a friend's house or a baseball game or what movie I couldn't watch that everyone else got to see.

Can I be honest with you? I stomp my feet at God a lot with these same words today. I'm frustrated in the corruption, poverty, rape, scandals, and brokenness that I see on a daily basis. It's not fair that my friends were "raped", it's not fair that they don't have money to eat, it's not fair that the medical and government systems are so corrupt, and the list goes on.

I've been listening to Relient k lately (yes, mock if you must, but I still love them!) and one line from "Be My Escape" jumped out at me. "But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."

Seriously. 

Whoa, do you see what they did there? That line literally stopped me in my tracks as I began to process what this meant. The truth of it is that we do deserve the corruption, brokenness, etc that this world throws at us, but even much, much more than that. We deserve punishment for our rebellion against God. We deserve hell -- eternal separation from God. That would be fair.

Grace and mercy have come to mean so much more to me in the past few weeks as I've seen His work in my life and in the lives of those I care about here as well. I'm thankful that I do not get what I deserve; I'm thankful that life is not fair. I'm thankful that God is just and doesn't just sweep my sins under the rug and call it good, but that He took care of it with Jesus.

Jerry Bridges writes, "God does not forgive because He wants to be lenient with us. He forgives because His justice has been satisfied. The absolute forgiveness of our sins is just as rock solid as the historic reality of Christ's death" (Respectable Sins).

Esther is making necklaces/bracelets to sell

I've been learning a lot about what it means to be disciplined in every area and intentional in thought, word, and deed lately. That means even being disciplined in not only acknowledging my sins, but accepting them as forgiven by the grace of God. It's easy for me to either just move throughout the day knowing I'm saved, or to recognize my sin and sit there and cry for a bit. But to see myself as a sinner saved by marvelous grace daily is where I need to be.

In Masese we continue to seek, pray, learn, and grow. The new believers are hungry and their passion has rekindled me as well. I'm so humbled to be a small part of God's glorious work in this slum, and so thankful that He's working in me there too.

Silas and I love to play! 

Would you pray?

• The new believers in Masese would stand strong in their new faith and that the Holy Spirit would be working continually in and through them. That He would guard them from attacks from the evil one -- through witchdoctors, dreams, demons, or doubts. 
• That I would continue to be near to the cross. That Jesus would keep me in His grace. That I would have a healthy understanding that I am a great sinner saved by a greater God. 
• That Masese would know her God. Pray for more Karamojong leaders and also the Bible in Kjong to be known. 

Thank you so, so much for your prayers! Esther also thanks you from the bottom of her heart. She cannot fathom that people would pray for her when they don't even know her; she was overwhelmed when I told her that her brothers and sisters in America are also rejoicing with us in her salvation! 

Harvest in Masese!

"Jesus took our place on the Cross!"

These are the words of excitement that my friend exclaimed as she realized what my illustration meant. I had one of them stand up and told the group that where she was standing was her place. I then moved her to the side, stood in the exact place, and asked what I just did. They understood that I had replaced her. It was then that my friend burst out her realization.

Friends, God is working in Masese!

This week has been filled with hope. Death, yes. Disease, yes. When I say these things I literally mean that two people I knew were killed and gapping wounds were brought to me with pleads of physical aid. These things happen. But that is Masese. I say these things not to romanticize my life but to try to paint a realistic portrayal of life here. But oh, such hope!

Maureen and Sarah!

A few months ago I had a picture of me and my late grandma as the background of my phone, and my friend Maureen once said, "I love to see your grandma." I then told her that she could meet her someday in heaven if she wanted, and she replied, "Oh no. For me I'm not saved. I'm not going to heaven." That was it. I could never get anything else out of her. She knew she was a sinner but grace was too much of a stretch for her.

This week I heard the beautiful news that she was recently born again! Upon meeting with her I asked if she remembered that day, and she said, "I wasn't saved before, but now I get to meet your jaja (grandma) someday, because I'm going to heaven too!" Ahh, what joy! She has also brought my friend Sarah to Jesus as well! Her next words were, "Sarah, you get to meet her too. I think she's going to be really nice to us because we're friends with Auntie Kate." Oh, my heart aches with joy!

Friends and new sisters! 

To further my excitement this week, I was given 8 Faith Comes by Hearing mp3 players that have the New Testament in Karamjong on them. I met with the four recent converts on Friday and we spoke about how we need the Word to grow and sustain us (Jeremiah 15:16), and one of them asked, "But how can we when we can't read?" My friend Ruth was sent Bibles that I was then able to provide for the two that can read. Then I gave the mp3 players out and boy, do I wish this could have been recorded!

When they first heard the man speaking Karamajong, they were thrilled! When they realized it was the Bible, rejoicing broke free! Esther was so excited that she jumped up, spilled my tea everywhere, and gave me a huge hug! Mary, who cannot read, and only speaks Karamajong (not Luganda or English) sat and cried. Irene, my translator, repeated everything to me and when she got to Matthew 5 she said, "Oh, we are sinners". But Esther jumped in with, "But God has saved us!" I told them to listen to them in their houses so people wouldn't steal them, but when I visited one of them later that day, they were showing everyone! They promised me that they would still be good moms and not listen to it too much that they'd forget about their children.

They sat in silence like this for a long time

Oh, God is working.

Another woman came to me and professed faith in the afternoon, but I was skeptical because this is all becoming too much. When I spoke to Irene about it she said, "Auntie Kate, we're not forcing God on anyone. The Holy Spirit is working here. It's a change of heart. Do you remember your name? The harvest is ripe!" 

Did I forget how big He is?

Sweet Mary, this meant so much to both of us

In these incredibly exciting times, I have been encouraged to be more intentional, disciplined, and focused -- in prayer, leisure, food, thoughts, everything! And as Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." I want to be here. So yes, I'm doing it again. I'm going off of social media for the month of March, but as I realize people do us it to get ahold of me for business related reasons, I will still be answering emails when necessary.

My email is katelyn.gudim@gmail.com

I love Esther! 

I'm so blessed to be here in such a time as this. I'm humbled that God would show me more of Himself, draw me close, and reveal more of His love for me in such an intimate way. I'm honored to see His glory in Masese. Would you rejoice with me?

Would you also pray? Masese is still dark, people are still drunk, and the demons still have such a stronghold there. But the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Friends, I'm excited! But I know Satan is not, and he will bring temptations and trials to hinder this work of the Kingdom. I would greatly appreciate your prayers.