Even Here -- in America

2013 

Three years ago I was an eager, young girl ready to take on Uganda. Today, I still feel like a young girl, but much has changed since I boarded that first plane in May 2013. I have learned so much over these years. I have grown in my relationship with God, I have learned much about myself, I've learned about the world and different cultures and peoples, and I've made some of the best friends a girl could dream of. One of those relationships was with my future husband -- whom I am elated to marry in July 2016!

How do I find words to describe what the last three years have contained? How do I articulate how I feel now, leaving the place I have grown to call home, to go to a place I've not known and start a new life as a wife there? Words are hard to place, and it's difficult to make sense of such extreme sadness and excitement at the same time. The word bittersweet is applicable.

Sweet Alika

Three years ago I arrived in Uganda with the thought that I'd be there for three months. My dear friend Carolyn Jacobsen (Jinja Pregnancy Care Center) told me of an African sickness -- one in which if you live in Africa for a time, you'll never be able to get it out of your blood. I had dreams of living in Africa since I was a young girl as my Grandma would tell stories of Madagascar, but I didn't think I would stay. After learning the little town I lived in, the people I ministered to, the languages I was surrounded by, the names of the boda men on my street, my church family who held me through so much, and my home on the Nile River, I never thought I would leave.

Took Sarah out for pizza -- not a fan!

And yet, I'm sitting in Kentucky. America. Thousands of miles away from Sarah who is happily in Karamoja, the best bananas you could imagine, and a chapter of my life that I've now turned the page on.

Reverse culture shock is real. It's intense. It's hard to give up so much and step in to a different world that shouldn't be new, but it is. I've known America before, but I don't feel like I know it now. What I know is Oboja Road and Hamida's flowers and Ruth calling out hello as I pass on a boda down Main Street. Life is different here. It's good and sweet and exciting, but not familiar. Sometimes I imagine myself riding a boda down Gabala Road or walking through Central Market, and those memories are so vivid and real to me. They're familiar.

I've struggled with frustrations, fears, and doubts as I've left that part of my life. Then I wonder if Abram felt those emotions as God told him to go to a land he did not know. I wonder what God has before me here, in America.

Sipi Falls -- one of my favorite places ever

I'm getting married to the most incredible man I've ever met -- William Menkhaus. He's patient and kind and hilarious and so good to me. He leads me in repentance and points me to grace daily. I cannot believe I get to spend the rest of my life with this man. We do hope to be back in Uganda down the road, but today we're in America. Today I can love and pray for my friends back "home" in Uganda, and I can be here. I can be here with eyes open to what God has for us in this time, to see the people who are hurt and broken and in need of salvation here. I can learn and grown and change into the woman God desires me to be here, in America.

So that's the story, folks. I've mourned over a life that won't ever be the same, but I'm thankful to know the plot line hasn't changed, the location just has. The story isn't over. God is still working in me and He is going to work through me, even here.

We made a detour to Germany

Would you pray?

• That God continues to open my eyes to where He has me, and use me for His Kingdom and His glory
• That I would be able to mourn the loss of Uganda in this time as well as look forward with hope and excitement to this new future as a Menkhaus
• That God would work understanding and patience in me as He guides us forward
• That God would protect and lead those I've left behind in Uganda
• That God would minister to Masese -- they are HIS people. 

Walking with him wherever God leads us

Exhausted from Looking Around

Lately I've been tired. 

I've been sick off and on for the last few months as my immune system has been down and I can't seem to get healthy long enough to get much strength back. Over the last few weeks I've been recovering from leptospirosis, a difficult disease to pinpoint so it took a while to be diagnosed and the recovery has been slow. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I continue to regain my strength and hopefully stay healthy for a while. I will say that my health is definitely one of the things I take for granted on a regular basis. 

I've been tired with sin. Do you ever get discouraged when you look around? I sit and listen to stories of my friend's husband being beaten and left for dead because he's a Karamojong working in a Busoga region. I am bewildered when I get a call that our friend's baby, who was healthy in the morning, just died by the evening of unknown causes. I am at a loss when I hear of news around the world. I'm exhausted when by the weight of my own sin and the daily struggle to take off the old and put on the new. 

I'm just tired.

Do you ever feel like that? The darkness is so real and evil is so present. I can't seem to get my chin above water -- physically, spiritually, emotionally. 

And then comes Easter.

HOPE. The historical event when Christ paid the price for my sins and still forgives. He still forgives. The light that He has brought into the world that death could not contain. The light that shines in the darkness, in this dark world. The event when He took on the sins of this broken world and redeemed us to be His own, so that this world would not be our home. 

The words of an old hymn have wrung in my head today. "I Look Not Back" tells the story of how we could look back, forward, outward, and inward and see sin, corruption, evil, and confusion. However, when we look to Him, we find hope. 

The last verse reads, "But I look up -- into the face of Jesus. For there my heart can rest; my fears are stilled. And there is joy, and love, and light for darkness. And perfect peace, and every hope fulfilled." 

Where are you looking today? I know I tend to look inward, outward, forward, or backward. I encourage you, as I do myself this day, to look to Him. May the hope that we find in the Resurrection not just be celebrated with nice clothes and Easter eggs, but daily as we know His grace. 

"Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2) 

Our redemption was His joy. He is our joy. There is joy for us there as well! My prayer is that you would fix your eyes on Him so His joy, love, and light would shine brightly in your life. Would you pray that over me as well?

Our Christmas celebration!

This sweet girl turned one!

Oh, and I got engaged. :)