Even Here -- in America

2013 

Three years ago I was an eager, young girl ready to take on Uganda. Today, I still feel like a young girl, but much has changed since I boarded that first plane in May 2013. I have learned so much over these years. I have grown in my relationship with God, I have learned much about myself, I've learned about the world and different cultures and peoples, and I've made some of the best friends a girl could dream of. One of those relationships was with my future husband -- whom I am elated to marry in July 2016!

How do I find words to describe what the last three years have contained? How do I articulate how I feel now, leaving the place I have grown to call home, to go to a place I've not known and start a new life as a wife there? Words are hard to place, and it's difficult to make sense of such extreme sadness and excitement at the same time. The word bittersweet is applicable.

Sweet Alika

Three years ago I arrived in Uganda with the thought that I'd be there for three months. My dear friend Carolyn Jacobsen (Jinja Pregnancy Care Center) told me of an African sickness -- one in which if you live in Africa for a time, you'll never be able to get it out of your blood. I had dreams of living in Africa since I was a young girl as my Grandma would tell stories of Madagascar, but I didn't think I would stay. After learning the little town I lived in, the people I ministered to, the languages I was surrounded by, the names of the boda men on my street, my church family who held me through so much, and my home on the Nile River, I never thought I would leave.

Took Sarah out for pizza -- not a fan!

And yet, I'm sitting in Kentucky. America. Thousands of miles away from Sarah who is happily in Karamoja, the best bananas you could imagine, and a chapter of my life that I've now turned the page on.

Reverse culture shock is real. It's intense. It's hard to give up so much and step in to a different world that shouldn't be new, but it is. I've known America before, but I don't feel like I know it now. What I know is Oboja Road and Hamida's flowers and Ruth calling out hello as I pass on a boda down Main Street. Life is different here. It's good and sweet and exciting, but not familiar. Sometimes I imagine myself riding a boda down Gabala Road or walking through Central Market, and those memories are so vivid and real to me. They're familiar.

I've struggled with frustrations, fears, and doubts as I've left that part of my life. Then I wonder if Abram felt those emotions as God told him to go to a land he did not know. I wonder what God has before me here, in America.

Sipi Falls -- one of my favorite places ever

I'm getting married to the most incredible man I've ever met -- William Menkhaus. He's patient and kind and hilarious and so good to me. He leads me in repentance and points me to grace daily. I cannot believe I get to spend the rest of my life with this man. We do hope to be back in Uganda down the road, but today we're in America. Today I can love and pray for my friends back "home" in Uganda, and I can be here. I can be here with eyes open to what God has for us in this time, to see the people who are hurt and broken and in need of salvation here. I can learn and grown and change into the woman God desires me to be here, in America.

So that's the story, folks. I've mourned over a life that won't ever be the same, but I'm thankful to know the plot line hasn't changed, the location just has. The story isn't over. God is still working in me and He is going to work through me, even here.

We made a detour to Germany

Would you pray?

• That God continues to open my eyes to where He has me, and use me for His Kingdom and His glory
• That I would be able to mourn the loss of Uganda in this time as well as look forward with hope and excitement to this new future as a Menkhaus
• That God would work understanding and patience in me as He guides us forward
• That God would protect and lead those I've left behind in Uganda
• That God would minister to Masese -- they are HIS people. 

Walking with him wherever God leads us

Exhausted from Looking Around

Lately I've been tired. 

I've been sick off and on for the last few months as my immune system has been down and I can't seem to get healthy long enough to get much strength back. Over the last few weeks I've been recovering from leptospirosis, a difficult disease to pinpoint so it took a while to be diagnosed and the recovery has been slow. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I continue to regain my strength and hopefully stay healthy for a while. I will say that my health is definitely one of the things I take for granted on a regular basis. 

I've been tired with sin. Do you ever get discouraged when you look around? I sit and listen to stories of my friend's husband being beaten and left for dead because he's a Karamojong working in a Busoga region. I am bewildered when I get a call that our friend's baby, who was healthy in the morning, just died by the evening of unknown causes. I am at a loss when I hear of news around the world. I'm exhausted when by the weight of my own sin and the daily struggle to take off the old and put on the new. 

I'm just tired.

Do you ever feel like that? The darkness is so real and evil is so present. I can't seem to get my chin above water -- physically, spiritually, emotionally. 

And then comes Easter.

HOPE. The historical event when Christ paid the price for my sins and still forgives. He still forgives. The light that He has brought into the world that death could not contain. The light that shines in the darkness, in this dark world. The event when He took on the sins of this broken world and redeemed us to be His own, so that this world would not be our home. 

The words of an old hymn have wrung in my head today. "I Look Not Back" tells the story of how we could look back, forward, outward, and inward and see sin, corruption, evil, and confusion. However, when we look to Him, we find hope. 

The last verse reads, "But I look up -- into the face of Jesus. For there my heart can rest; my fears are stilled. And there is joy, and love, and light for darkness. And perfect peace, and every hope fulfilled." 

Where are you looking today? I know I tend to look inward, outward, forward, or backward. I encourage you, as I do myself this day, to look to Him. May the hope that we find in the Resurrection not just be celebrated with nice clothes and Easter eggs, but daily as we know His grace. 

"Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2) 

Our redemption was His joy. He is our joy. There is joy for us there as well! My prayer is that you would fix your eyes on Him so His joy, love, and light would shine brightly in your life. Would you pray that over me as well?

Our Christmas celebration!

This sweet girl turned one!

Oh, and I got engaged. :)

Grace, even for me

When was the last time you were overcome?

Were you overcome with joy? Fear? Anger? Anxiety? Hope? Excitement? Synonyms for this word are overwhelmed and overpowered. What emotion are you commonly overcome by?

Today in church we talked about Peter's denial of Christ. We saw how Peter was overcome with guilt of his own sin as he went out an wept bitterly (Luke 22:54-62). The verse that reads, "And the Lord turned and looked at Peter" (22:61a) was discussed as we tried to imagine the look on Jesus' face as His eyes met Peter's. Was it a look of anger? Disappointment? Frustration? Or was it a look of compassion? Was it a look of love? Judas, just prior to this, had betrayed the Lord. Later on we find that he, too, knew the guilt of his sin. However, his guilt led him to anguish and finally, death. Sin leads to death. Here we see Peter, also knowing the guilt of his sin. What was different? \

In that moment, Peter knew his sin and felt the grief that comes along with separation from the Lord. Sin separates us from God. In the 40some days to come he would again be called by Jesus to follow Him then speak to thousands on the day of Pentecost. This is the man who denied that he even knew Jesus.

I wonder at how the Lord worked in his heart during those weeks. I marvel that this is the man who sliced off a man's ear and was repeatedly rash with his words and actions. Why did Judas' guilt lead to suicide and Peter was the rock on which Christ built the church?

He knew grace.

He had to. Grace is being given that which we do not deserve. Grace is hard to accept, especially when you recognize just how undeserving you are of the gift. Grace transforms. Grace heals. Grace restores.

Lately I, too, have known guilt. I have felt the weight of my sin and seen character flaws and have wept at the thought that He still has so much work to do in my heart. Last night one of my dear friends here said such a simple statement that cut through my guilt: "Receive grace." That was it. She encouraged me to know that I am forgiven and move forward. While sin is a blatant act of disobedience against a Holy God and not to be taken lightly, neither is His forgiveness. He died for that.

If you have a moment, pop over to YouTube and listen to Overcome by the Digital Age. It is a powerful song of being overcome by His grace. The last verse reads, "Like a snowfall that blankets the earth, my sin has been covered. I'm overcome. The price has been paid; the war is already won. The blood of my Savior was shed. He's overcome and I'm overcome."

I don't know where you are right now. Maybe you are better at understand grace than me. But maybe you need to hear this message too. Maybe you need to hear 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Maybe you need to hear two little words today, too. Receive grace. Know His power and judgment over sin and fear the Lord, but know His forgiveness, too. Know His love for you.

A Heavy Heart with Hope

The walk out of Masese

Some days when I leave Masese I'm excited to be able to see how God is working there. Some days I leave exhausted and discouraged and overwhelmed. All days, I'm thankful that He has conquered sin and loves these people. They are His people.

Today was a good day. My dear friend and I hid away in her dark, small little house as we tried to stay warm and dry from the torrential downpour taking place outside. Her house leaks and creaks and the water pours in even if the door is closed, but we are happy. We sit and talk about what to do about the future and seek wisdom as it is promised to us in James 1. We play with her sweet little daughter as she's just learning to stand and make jokes and laugh and laugh. We lay on the floor together and she shares how she's struggling in her marriage. She shares how she's afraid of getting beaten each night when her husband comes home drunk. She shares how she's afraid of getting sick as she knows her husband is not faithful. She shares how she lives in fear each day.

Maureen and Elizabeth

The thing is, this isn't just her. 

This has become one of my biggest burdens here. I hurt for them because this is their normal. This is expected. As I look at how godly men treat their wives, and even how I've been treated in the last few weeks, I notice how vast the difference is within Masese. Now, there are incredible men of God there as well. However, most of my friends are not married to such a man. I hurt because my friends have never been respected, honored, cherished, desired, or loved. I hurt because I can't fix that. 

God is working here. I need that reminder tonight.

The only way things will change is if God gets ahold of the hearts of men in Masese. Transformation needs to happen from the inside out. 

Would you pray that God would raise up men for the harvest in Masese? Pray that men would be convicted of their sin, see their need for a Savior, and cling to the cross. Pray that hearts would be softened and that the Gospel would be preached constantly to land on the good soil that I'm choosing to believe God is preparing. Pray that God would continue to lavish my friends with His love -- a love that they have never even seen a glimpse of on earth. 

Pray with hope. I have hope that God is working. Hope, not wishful thinking, that He has not left Masese to be overtaken by darkness and the power of the Evil One.

The sunsets here astound me!

It is now rainy season here, which means scarves and sweaters and tea and an excess of mud at all times. Currently, I am cuddled up under a blanket with a cup of chamomile tea as the pitter patter of rain on my tin roof harmonizes with the booming thunder. I'm thankful for nights such as this. I'm thankful that God can use the rain to cause me to sit and rest for an evening. I praise Him because even when my heart is heavy, I know His love abounds. I know His grace extends. I know His goodness has no end.

Everyone, meet my boyfriend. :)

No goldfish here. This is how I buy water!

Friends, when you're discouraged or worn from the burdens on your heart, grab a cup of tea (or coffee, depending on the time of day) and read Romans 8. He is good. His love covers. 

My sweet Alika is getting so big!

Warrior

It's easy for me to see myself as a princess.

I like flowers, rainbows, butterflies, and skipping when no one is looking.

It's easy for me to claim Zephaniah 3:17 and Isaiah 43 for myself. It's easy to hear, "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away" from Song of Solomon and know that I'm deeply pursued and wooed by my Romancer and true Husband.

Sunrise over Lake Victoria

It's less easy for me to see myself as a warrior.

Toto (mother) with Alika

I know that we're in a spiritual battle. I've fought in prayer against the rulers, authorities, cosmic powers, and spiritual forces of evil in this present darkness. I have heard testimony after testimony of people delivered from demons and how God preserved a remnant of His faithful ones amongst a primary school. I have seen things and known the spiritual realm in a very real way.

And yet, sometimes I forget.

I forget that Satan holds people in bondage until I sit and listen to stories of demons and tales of talking trees and people who live in the water. I hear the fascination in the tale, but also fear behind each story. Dear friends of mine who are saved by grace admit to me that they fear. They fear because they can't explain the things they've seen themselves and what has been passed down through their tribe. They know that God is more powerful, but they fear because they know that Satan is working.

The sun has spoiled many of the crops

Last week I had the privilege of spending a week in Napak, a district in northern Uganda. We stayed with my friend Sarah's family and got to know her toto (mother) and crazy, hilarious tatas (grandmothers). We stayed in Iriiri and traveled around to other trading centers -- we certainly got our exercise! We ate a lot of food -- my friend William realized that my stomach is about the size of a golf ball, so thankfully he was able to sneak my food when I didn't want to offend! We talked about cultural differences -- how women are supposed to sit and dowry (they are offended that we don't give dowry for the women, after all the mother does for the child and she doesn't even receive one cow!) We heard stories of the animals there and even received an ostrich egg! We laughed harder than I can ever remember. It was a good week.

We also saw a people who stand in fear.

Napak is surrounded by mountains!

Suddenly, I remembered that this battle is not against flesh and blood. I recalled that Satan uses every tactic to hold people in bondage, and here the biggest chains are alcoholism and fear. They fear the spirits they know are present. They fear death. They fear evil that is very real.

But then again, don't I also fear? I've had demons in my room, and I shook with fear. I've talked to a man possessed by demons, and I went home and cried. In the [physical] spiritual battle here, I've always had dear friends to encourage me and speak truth of God's power. But what if I hadn't known that myself and hadn't been reminded of it from others? Where would my faith stand? How could it stand?

William gave tata a soda!

Friends, do you know that you are a warrior? Do you know that we fight against the spiritual forces of evil in this present darkness? It's easy to be pursued by God and rejoice in that, and do! Be wooed by the Lord. He is so passionate for us. But at the same time, we are His warriors. We're told to put on the armor of God.

He told Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you may go."

I want truth to penetrate through to the Karamojong tribe. I want truth to penetrate in my own life. I want to know and make it known that spiritual warfare is real and powerful, but God already won the victory on Calvary and we will stand in His victory in eternity.

William, Toto, and myself our last day

So Jesus said... "If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Tata Anna, oh they made us laugh!

Would you pray?

• TRUTH would be proclaimed and received amongst the Karamojong
• Satan would be bound and chains would be broken in Masese
• That I would fight with His strength in prayer in this spiritual battle
• That I would have eyes to see the spiritual realm again, and faith to know that He is all powerful
• Freedom would be known

interruptible for the one

I like to sit on my veranda and watch the birds. Beautiful metallic starlings, brilliant blue kingfishers, and vibrant black and red goneleks stand out against the ever green grass and trees that contrast the blue sky and Nile River. I like to buy flowers in town and walk home as I wave and say hello to all of the boda drivers whom I pass each day. I like to bake apple pies, a lot! I like to watch movies in the evenings. I like to write letters and keep in touch with people in America. I like these little moments. 

I also like to sit in Masese as we argue about the color of our blood and whether or not America has trees and cows. I like to laugh with Lydia, my “bodyguard” as she once again beats me in arm wrestling. I like to laugh with Christine as she dances and models for us, inevitably, every time I see her! I like to laugh with Sarah as I chase her son Michael, who secretly likes me. I like these little moments. 

I don’t lead crusades here. I don’t have programs or projects. My days are filled with relationships. The only things on my schedule that are set throughout the week are prayer with two friends over Masese and Bible study with three women. The rest of my days are filled with these beautiful relationships with beautiful, messy people. Days are filled with hopes and dreams and prayers for chains to be broken and people to walk in freedom through His grace. 

Last week another missionary and I were conversing about the busy schedule of another friend here. Her response was, “Well I guess everyone here is busy. And if they’re not, they’re doing something wrong.” 

I knew what she meant, but it hurt. The mindset that we have to go and go and go and do better is human nature. It’s counterproductive to sit with someone for five hours straight as they tell you their hurts and fears of the future and rejoice over the fact that there is hope in Christ. To sit with one person for five hours? Think of all the multitudes you could reach in that amount of time! Think of the programs and projects and agendas you could fulfill with five hours. 

Think of how Jesus always met the one. Think of how He was able to be interrupted. 

Jesus was interruptible. 

In the book The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan, he talks about how Jesus was always willing to lay down His agenda for the day to meet someone personally. 

“Jesus! My daughter is sick!” 

“Jesus, my brother died!” 

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!”

He was going somewhere when He was met by these people, but He was willing to be interrupted. His destination wasn’t diverted — He was on the road to Calvary from the beginning — but He always met people personally along the way.

I want to be interruptible. That’s not human nature, that’s definitely not my nature even. I get annoyed when my plans are thwarted. However, by the grace of God, He is teaching me to meet the one. He is moving in my heart to lay down my plans each moment and be able to come when people call out, 

“Nalem, my daughter is sick.” 

“Nalem, my husband is an alcoholic and I don’t have a place to stay tonight.” 

“Nalem, where am I going to shift when the roads come in?”

Those calls are devastating and I’m not able to meet them. Sometimes I can point them to someone who can help. All the time, I can pray. I can sit with them for hours and hear them. Sometimes, all we want is be heard. 

I don’t have this whole “missionary” thing figured out. All I know is that God has called me in this season to labor for His Kingdom in Masese III. I know that He has given me time and patience and endurance to love a tribe and people who are often overlooked in this region. I know that relationships are hard and long and messy, but God has called me to invest in the one. Discipleship ministry isn’t easy to write home about, because sometimes you rejoice in the softening of someone’s heart, and the next minute you’re broken over hearing they went to the witchdoctor to place a curse on someone. I don’t have numbers or photos to share, but I do have stories of God’s abundant grace being enough in my life, and His steadfast love [hesed] pursuing my friends even when they run. Even when I run. 

I have known God through the one. I have met Him there. 

I encourage you today, wherever you are, to see the one. Yes, God uses programs and projects and crusades, but don’t miss the one. I promise you, He’ll be there, too. 

And in the quietness and glamour that is missed in not being on display, read this article: Hidden. 

That is my prayer for you today, dear reader. May we be a people who seek first His Kingdom over our own agendas. 

Your Prayers

 I like rooftop picnics over Lake Victoria

"Hello Bedford Falls!!" -- George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life" couldn't contain himself after the joy of realizing what life could be. He was suddenly thankful for the things he once took for granted or secretly loathed.

Sometimes, I feel this of Jinja. On a trip to Entebbe and Kampala this weekend, I returned to my sweet little town so thankful for the familiar faces and street names and quiet. I'm thankful to live here! Sometimes I complain or take things for granted, but I love life. There is so much beauty to find if you have eyes to see.

Last week I was honest with all of you here and in a newsletter. I was honest that things have been hard over the last few months, and going into a season of unknowns has had me very unsettled. However, I have received so many kind and encouraging words, and I know you have prayed. Oh, have I known your prayers! I have never felt more encouraged in ministry and in life in general than over the last week. I would like to share some of these answers to prayer so that you know how you are working alongside of the ministry here.

Alika! 

First, as the smaller of the answered prayer -- my toe is healed! Now, I did not go to the hospital but it felt just as it did last December when I broke it before. Regardless if it was broken or not, there is no pain anymore! This is small, but walking everywhere is definitely a lot more pleasant when each step does not hurt. I am very physically healthy at the moment, which is something I take for granted often. Thank you for praying for my physical health!

Second, God has provided a friend to pursue some of the men in Masese whom I have been burdened over! Two of my dear friend's husbands have asked questions in the past, but I have never felt comfortable meeting with men in regards to discipleship. I have prayed for months for a man of God to be burdened for these men as well, and He has provided! This is not only an answered prayer for the men in Masese, but also for me to have a friend who knows, cares, and prays for the people I care about there as well. Caring about the same things strips ministry of loneliness, and I am so thankful that God provided here in so many ways.

Finally, there are still unknowns, but I have such a peace about the present and future. I'm thankful to serve a God who has been faithful in the past and who brings those memories to mind as testimony of his faithfulness. As most of you know, personally I do not have a passion for programs or serving the multitudes. I prefer sitting with a group of women and truly knowing them. With a change in pace and schedule, I have been able to do just that. In the last week I have danced (this is a type of play for the Karamojong) -- they have tried to teach me the Acholi dance ("it's as if the Acholi do not have bones in their back!") and I tried to teach them to swing dance! They have told me stories of their past and I've heard the latest drama amongst the young women I used to teach. My heart has broken over news of some of my friends turning from the Lord to witchdoctors, and I've had to have difficult conversations with a few who have clearly turned from God. I know the easy thing to do is to turn my head and look the other way, but the loving thing to do is to call them out on their sin and plead that they return to the Lord. I love these women; I wish you could know them. They make me laugh! And I know God loves them more than I could ever imagine.

I always share these photos, but these are my buddies!

To say thank you for your ministry of prayer seems like an understatement. I wish you could see how He's working through your prayers. I wish you could know the encouragement I have known. I wish you could physically see Him working here, as I can. But for now, I will say thank you. Your prayers and words of encouragement have blessed me and many others. God is using you here. I have known that deeper this week than ever. Thank you!

Would you continue to pray?

• The community of Masese is in chaos as now is the time allotted to "vacate the land" so that new roads can be built. Pray for wisdom for the tenants as to where they will go.
• Pray for the gospel to truly transform hearts here
• Pray for conviction over sin for some of my dearest friends. I so badly want them to know their Savior and walk in freedom from the slavery they are currently in. 
• Continue to pray for me as I look toward the future and where God is leading